It was the middle of winter and a strong eddy blew at my face. Most people were at home spending Christmas break with their family, but for me I was on the streets all alone. I looked inside a stranger’s window and could see a family. They were giggling and drinking hot chocolate by the fire, just like my family once did. I had to turn away as the memories of my family and the happiness we shared came flooding back. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as I continued down the boardwalk.
After my dad died, I prayed every night for things in my house to return to normal, but my mom started drinking and blamed me for my dad’s death, thus nothing was the same. We used to be the perfect family, but now I was on my own. I ran away before, but I came back because I didn’t have food or shelter, then my mom taught me a “lesson” or so she called it. This “lesson” involved my drunken mother throwing her empty vodka bottles at me calling me a horrible child and hitting me until she passed out on the couch. Right now, I was debating whether to go back to her. While I was thinking, I bumped into a man. Of course, he noticed that I was all alone and started a conversation.
“Hey there little man my name is Jasper, and I work over at Sarah’s Café, I’m the delivery guy. May I ask why you are out here all alone so late?” He asked with curiosity.
“Just looking, my name is Emmett by the way.” I said shaking his hand; at least my mom taught me some manners before she went crazy.
“Well you look like you could use some food. Would you like to come to Sarah’s Café and have some of her famous cookies and milk?” Jasper asked after noticing my tattered clothes and gaunt figure.
“Sure! Thank you so much.” I knew he realized that I was homeless. I usually didn’t go with strangers, but I had only eaten a paltry amount of food in the past few days so I decided to go with him.
Once in the café, I saw an old lady around seventy years old, who I figured, was Sarah. She took one look at me and retired to the backroom; once I got to the front she had a plate of the most delicious looking chocolate-chip cookies and a tall glass of milk. She put them in front of me and I dove in. In a few seconds, I was done eating and she started asking me questions.
“I heard from Jasper that your name is Emmett, do you have a last name?” Sarah asked.
“My last name is Longbottom. Emmett Longbottom. Nice to meet you,” I answered.
“Nice to meet you too, where is your mother?” Sarah questioned.
“Um… well I don’t really know probably at home,” I replied.
“I see that you have a few bruises on your face and what looks to me like a hand print on you arm. I am starting to get the feeling that you’re not telling the whole truth, but if you talk to me maybe I can help you get out of this quagmire.” She said.
“You are going to help me?” I asked with tears filling my eyes.
“Sure sweetie, tell me and I promise I will get you help,” Sarah answered back with a benign look.
I don’t know why I told her but I did. I told her about my dad and about my mother’s malignant behavior. While I talked, she held my hand while Jasper put a comforting arm around me.
“Well I am going to get some more cookies for you and we can talk some more,” she said getting up and running to the back, asking Jasper to come along.
“Okay,” I said a little confused.
She was gone for a long time. I heard a fracas, the sound of pages turning, and a dial tone. That’s when I figured she was calling my mother telling her where I was. I couldn’t believe she was doing this after I told her what happened. I knew in a few minutes my mother would come staggering in to pick me up and bring me home to smack me and say awful things to me. I was getting up from my chair, about to walk out of the restaurant, when Sarah called my name.
“Wait Emmett, don’t go!’ She screamed.
I looked at her with petulant disgust and asked, “Why would you do this to me? After what I told you I thought you were going to help me, but you don’t care about me! You don’t care if I live or die.”
“You got it all wrong. Sarah is just trying to help you. She helped me and she is helping you.” Jasper said with pleading eyes.
Before I could respond I heard my mother’s shrill voice. “Emmett come with me now!” she yelled in her authoritarian tone. I followed her command and went outside. I turned around to see Sarah jogging behind me, with a grave face. As I rounded the corner I saw red and blue flashing lights. There were ten police cars surrounding the street. One police officer was holding a gun at my mother. I wished he would fire but he at least he arrested her. First, he read her the legal rights, and he told her to lie prostrate on the ground. The officer put handcuffs on my mother and escorted her to the cruiser. At that moment, I knew I wouldn’t be hurt again by her.
I ran to Sarah throwing my arms around her. “Sorry I didn’t believe you, but thank you so much. I’m free! I’m free!”
After that night my life turned around. I lived with Jasper in his apartment, and I worked in Sarah’s Café after school. Also, my mother got sentenced to twenty-five years to life in prison, so she could never hurt me again.
3 comments:
Authors Notes:
I want my reader to understand the message: "that help can always be found maybe even when you least expect it", after reading this piece. I think what worked well and was easy to write was the introduction because I used detail to describe what was going on and it seemed to come easy to me. One problem I encountered was trying to wrap up the ending up because I kept wanting to write more about what was going on. Questions I have is, Does this story seem to wrap up quickly and does it flow well? I would like my reader to comment on my falling action and conclusion.
Eddy- noun- air wind current- I used it to add description to tell what the weather was like outside.
Tattered- adjective- ragged- I used it to describe what Emmett’s appearance was like.
Gaunt- adjective- thin and boney- I used it to describe what Emmett’s figure looked like.
Paltry- adjective- small or worthless- I used it to tell how much Emmett craved food and that is why he was willing to go with Jasper to the Café.
Retired- verb- to recede- I used this word to tell when Sarah went to get Emmett food in the back room.
Quagmire- noun- a difficult situation- I used this word to tell when Sarah and Emmett were talking about what happened and she offered to help him if he told her what happened
Benign- adjective- kind and gentle- I used this word to describe and develop Sarah so the reader would understand what kind of person she was
Malignant- adjective- bad or evil- I used this word to get across to the reader what kind of person Emmett’s mother was.
Fracas- noun- noisy dispute- I used it to describe what was going on in the backroom while Emmett was out in the Café.
Petulant- adjective- rude- I used this word to describe Emmett’s expression when he figured out that Sarah called Emmett’s mother and how he felt when he was let down.
Shrill- adjective- a sharp piercing sound- I used it to describe Emmett’s mother’s voice and it also help the reader understand what she was really like
Authoritarian- adjective- extremely strict or bossy- I also used this word to describe Emmett’s mother’s voice to describe her personality.
Grave- adjective- serious- This word is used to describe Sarah’s face when she is running after Emmett and his mother.
Prostrate- adjective- lying face downwards- This word is used to describe what the police officer asks Emmett’s mother to do when he is arresting her.
The greatest change I made from my first draft to my final draft was I added more detail. I wrote more about what happened to Emmett when his mother was drunk. I think this helped the story because you could learn more about the character and you could connect with him.
The editing process that was more helpful was the comments. I believe this because more than just one person read my short story so I could get more feedback about what was good and what I should change.
My story's greatest strength I think is the dialogue. I tried hard to make it sound real and also move the story along. Also I think you get to understand what the characters are like through the dialogue.
Some advice for next year's students is use your past writing prompts from the short story unit to come up with your story. I think this is a good idea because you already have a starting point and then you can branch your story out from there. Also, when your posting comments on fellow student's short stories make sure you answer the questions in depth because it will really help them out. Lastly use strong words because you story is short so make sure all your words are very detailed!
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